He'd always promised Jinx that he wouldn't lie -- not about Vander, not about who they were, or that he thought she was perfect -- he'd told her these things over and over. It's repeated enough that it's a refrain, from when she'd been younger, up until she'd been older. He promised her this, because just like Jinx has her own...issues, Silco has his. The one they have in common, of course, is the one that kept them together, that tie that bound them, what had led a crime lord fresh from the high of a revenge complete, to hugging a little girl in the rain, and telling her it would be all right. That neither of them wanted to be left, or abandoned. Silco had always been afraid of his daughter leaving -- just like Vander had -- tossed away like a dirty little thing, when there had been something new to look toward. Jinx thought the same of him, he knew, even though Silco could never abandon her. Would never -- and to the extent...
Well. Neither of them knew that yet.
His fingers at the grate, he looked at Jinx through it, but then to Kaeya. He'd been so careful with his words, to the both of them. He'd not spoken of Jinx to Kaeya -- Couldn't in a world where he'd thought his daughter was just as gone as the rest of Runeterra -- and he'd thought that perhaps... while Jinx might strain at the idea of having someone else around... he'd certainly hoped that she wouldn't mind Kaeya. He was useful, he understood, in a way that only the two of them had. He knew Kaeya had...wanted Silco to be more, he'd leaned on him, after the Thing had launched a spear into Silco's back, after he'd saved him.
How did he explain such a complication, without driving his daughter away from him too? ]
He's like us, Jinx. [ He said, at first. It wasn't an answer, not really, but it was a preface he could start with. ] I saw his memories, that he went through something like we did.
[ Betrayed by his Brother, just like Silco. Just like Jinx had been betrayed by her Sister. He didn't share the specifics, he thought that would be a betrayal too far -- for the both of them, really. He'd seen a little piece of that, and yes, Silco did what Silco did best. He'd tried to guide him, and had wanted to make him better, to push that little voice that Jinx had -- and even one Silco himself had -- and smother it. Wrap fingers around its neck, drown it in the water so it stifled that voice, and stopped trying to make them pretend to be anything but what they were. To stop trying to convince them that they weren't perfect, or worthy, just because there were those who were blind to how they could be more. That they were more than just dirty little things, because they had been inconvenient, or crazy, or someone from another land and different goals.
That still didn't explain what Silco thought of Kaeya as, which was somewhere nebulous, not quite the same as Sevika, and nobody, nobody could replace Jinx -- even in a world where she was gone, Silco had hoped, day after day that she'd be present in Horos, and now that they were in a new world, and she was...
It was just as chaotic and rife with danger as it had been back home. Somewhere, in the pit of Silco's black heart, he knows this is normal for Jinx, and that's better than the hyper-paranoid stalking she'd taken to since he'd woken up under the tree recently. He would rather her manic highs and expressive, angry drive, than anything else, as that's the person Silco loved -- manic, angry, driven, just the person he'd thought was perfect from the first moment he'd held her in the rain.
But...
He flicked his eyes to Kaeya, in front of him. He remembered that day, so clearly, when he'd been worried over the boy -- when he'd rescued his shard while that thing fought the rest of them. There was a...feeling, when he had his shard, and he'd been pleased, when it was his body that was recovered next, and he hadn't even been dissipated. He'd felt relief, that he was safe. Perhaps that had led Kaeya to lean on him -- and Silco had to pull away -- it had felt like he was replacing Jinx, if he'd let him stay there against his shoulder. So he'd pulled away, established that distance. Forced it, because Kaeya had looked too close, or relied on him too much -- but he had saved him. Twice.
What would happen, if they were finally even? Would Kaeya betray them too?
Paused for a second, before: ]
I saved his life, and I took him under my wing. I wanted to help guide him -- to help him be better than simply being held back by his past -- like we had to.
[ It's hard to define something so nebulous, isn't it? Especially for Someone like Silco, whose fear of betrayal adds that buffer. Just in case. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 12:27 am (UTC)He'd always promised Jinx that he wouldn't lie -- not about Vander, not about who they were, or that he thought she was perfect -- he'd told her these things over and over. It's repeated enough that it's a refrain, from when she'd been younger, up until she'd been older. He promised her this, because just like Jinx has her own...issues, Silco has his. The one they have in common, of course, is the one that kept them together, that tie that bound them, what had led a crime lord fresh from the high of a revenge complete, to hugging a little girl in the rain, and telling her it would be all right. That neither of them wanted to be left, or abandoned. Silco had always been afraid of his daughter leaving -- just like Vander had -- tossed away like a dirty little thing, when there had been something new to look toward. Jinx thought the same of him, he knew, even though Silco could never abandon her. Would never -- and to the extent...
Well. Neither of them knew that yet.
His fingers at the grate, he looked at Jinx through it, but then to Kaeya. He'd been so careful with his words, to the both of them. He'd not spoken of Jinx to Kaeya -- Couldn't in a world where he'd thought his daughter was just as gone as the rest of Runeterra -- and he'd thought that perhaps... while Jinx might strain at the idea of having someone else around... he'd certainly hoped that she wouldn't mind Kaeya. He was useful, he understood, in a way that only the two of them had. He knew Kaeya had...wanted Silco to be more, he'd leaned on him, after the Thing had launched a spear into Silco's back, after he'd saved him.
How did he explain such a complication, without driving his daughter away from him too? ]
He's like us, Jinx. [ He said, at first. It wasn't an answer, not really, but it was a preface he could start with. ] I saw his memories, that he went through something like we did.
[ Betrayed by his Brother, just like Silco. Just like Jinx had been betrayed by her Sister. He didn't share the specifics, he thought that would be a betrayal too far -- for the both of them, really. He'd seen a little piece of that, and yes, Silco did what Silco did best. He'd tried to guide him, and had wanted to make him better, to push that little voice that Jinx had -- and even one Silco himself had -- and smother it. Wrap fingers around its neck, drown it in the water so it stifled that voice, and stopped trying to make them pretend to be anything but what they were. To stop trying to convince them that they weren't perfect, or worthy, just because there were those who were blind to how they could be more. That they were more than just dirty little things, because they had been inconvenient, or crazy, or someone from another land and different goals.
That still didn't explain what Silco thought of Kaeya as, which was somewhere nebulous, not quite the same as Sevika, and nobody, nobody could replace Jinx -- even in a world where she was gone, Silco had hoped, day after day that she'd be present in Horos, and now that they were in a new world, and she was...
It was just as chaotic and rife with danger as it had been back home. Somewhere, in the pit of Silco's black heart, he knows this is normal for Jinx, and that's better than the hyper-paranoid stalking she'd taken to since he'd woken up under the tree recently. He would rather her manic highs and expressive, angry drive, than anything else, as that's the person Silco loved -- manic, angry, driven, just the person he'd thought was perfect from the first moment he'd held her in the rain.
But...
He flicked his eyes to Kaeya, in front of him. He remembered that day, so clearly, when he'd been worried over the boy -- when he'd rescued his shard while that thing fought the rest of them. There was a...feeling, when he had his shard, and he'd been pleased, when it was his body that was recovered next, and he hadn't even been dissipated. He'd felt relief, that he was safe. Perhaps that had led Kaeya to lean on him -- and Silco had to pull away -- it had felt like he was replacing Jinx, if he'd let him stay there against his shoulder. So he'd pulled away, established that distance. Forced it, because Kaeya had looked too close, or relied on him too much -- but he had saved him. Twice.
What would happen, if they were finally even? Would Kaeya betray them too?
Paused for a second, before: ]
I saved his life, and I took him under my wing. I wanted to help guide him -- to help him be better than simply being held back by his past -- like we had to.
[ It's hard to define something so nebulous, isn't it? Especially for Someone like Silco, whose fear of betrayal adds that buffer. Just in case. ]