[ Jinx rather purposefully lifts the pistol, though she doesn't point it at Kaeya. instead, it finds an almost leisurely target in Silco between the bars on the grate, positioned toward his face - but her eyes remain locked on Ice Boy.
there is the most meager flinch when he says those words so casually - 'when he drowned you too?' and for a brief moment, her anger fear spikes. drowned... too. he really went and repeated that whole performance, did he? but he hadn't followed through. no meaningful story, no waxing poetic about the pain of betrayal and all that? why? why not? wasn't that part of the point?
Jinx's eyes suddenly jerk to her right shoulder as if listening to something unheard. it doesn't last long, though, and she's quick to resume her attentions on Kaeya. those eyes are more alive with an unhealthy energy that is feeding her fear rage and paranoia. ]
So, what. Is that what you are? To him?
[ she wants to sound viscerally angry, accusatory. her grip on the trigger tightens subconsciously.
instead, she just sounds unhinged, and half-way a girl lost and alone whose footing has been yanked out from under her, and halfway a young woman desperate to maintain face in front of someone she feels sees her as weak, vulnerable. ]
What did he have you leave behind in the water? I'm feeling like [ she leans her right hand against the grate, pinning Kaeya between it and her, gun still trained on her father ] you and I have a lot we really oughta get out in the open, Ice Guy. Do you know what I mean?
[ He isn't trying to be difficult, really, but it's hard to see what it is they're supposed to 'get out in the open,' as it were. To Kaeya, it's as clear as day what's going on here: the line has already been drawn in the sand, and now Jinx is lining it up with gasoline and an open flame. This is how it was with the Ragnvindrs, whenever he looked and saw both Diluc and his father—
(In the end, he has really no one, doesn't he?)
This is all the same. They're all the same. He's still that young boy who was left behind by his father to serve a purpose. That's all he ever will be, and nothing more.
He gets it. ]
I don't think I'm anything to him, really. Perhaps a glorified version of a hired muscle. [ Hah. ] Nothing more than that.
[ As for what he left behind in the water... ]
Betrayal is a funny thing, isn't it? Even when you try to move past it, it'll always find its way back to you.
[ There is, of course, a small, nearly silent part of Silco that wondered if what Kaeya said is true. Is he really only hired muscle -- he'd given him a similar nudge to Jinx, yes, and stayed, when there had been a moment when a scared kid was feeling the effects of betrayal. Kaeya had once tried to lean on Silco, and Silco... had nudged him away, even as he'd checked in on him, and saved him in the moment that they'd both needed to get out of there. He'd taken a hit for coming in to grab his shard.
There's a small part of Silco that protests, that it's a lie. Not that he knew what Kaeya was. Not like Jinx, but there was nobody like Jinx -- and having a picture into the odd relationship between the two of them was a pretty clear sign that Kaeya might want to get out of that -- but even still. Hired muscle didn't quite track.
Kaeya, after all, was just like them, if only she'd see it.
No matter, right? If that's what Kaeya thought, he wouldn't protest. His lips twitched, and he didn't even flinch away from Jinx's gun. It's not like he has any reason to be afraid of that right now, right? Haha, anyway. He ignored the gun, and pressed a hand against the grate, against Jinx's hand. ]
You know I'd never betray you, Jinx, nobody could ever be more important to me than you are. You know that.
[ Silco, of course, would say anything to bring Jinx back down. It's probably why she got away with everything, and why everyone who was associated with Silco had such strong...opinions about her. ]
[ there's this little... voice that isn't quite like the others. it's the one, ironically enough, that Silco tried to drown in her that night in the water. a small, vulnerable child's voice that never entirely left no matter how many years passed from that fateful day - the part of her that still clings to the idea of Vi, of the possibility that they could ever be together and happy again, that things would magically work out and everything might be okay, that she could be accepted and loved, and--
anyone with half a wit would see that was doomed from the get-go. it isn't like she doesn't get it. she gets it. but denial is one hell of a drug, isn't it?
that little, frustratingly persistent voice is what's telling her to see what's in Kaeya's eye right here and now. it's enough that she doesn't realize she's loosened her hold on the pistol, momentarily distracted as Silco's words are absorbed - and yet... they're fading into the background. he'd never betray her; no one could ever be more important. he says it out loud right to Kaeya's face, and surely she should feel vindictively gladdened by that.
but she doesn't.
Kaeya gets something most people don't when it comes to Jinx. it's typically all or nothing. there is no halfway, no half-starts, no half-done. that whole 'benefit of the doubt' thing isn't her normal style.
but she doesn't think he can have faked what he felt that day - what she felt from him - when she'd reached out to him in a chaotic and desperate bid for Communion. and even if he could - he stayed the full five days... he didn't leave her or Silco. it isn't easy to dismiss that, even if there will always be that sliver of her brain working up all the convenient reasons to justify it away and fuel her fear.
...she grips the grate more tightly. ]
Let's find out.
[ the words are already bereft the vitriol. a bit softer.
Jinx lets the pistol fall to her side, but it is replaced by a greater threat - the look in her eyes as she gazes beyond Kaeya's shoulder, staring Silco in the face. ]
What is he to you? Really.
[ ...it's incredibly hard to tell where the next landmine lies.
will she be angry if Silco defends his relationship with Kaeya? or is she expecting some confession that this one is more than just a hired hand, that he matters in some way?
[ It's not like Kaeya doesn't already know his place.
Growing up in a foreign nation where no one knew who he was or where he came from has taught him that there are boundaries he can't cross. He hasn't felt like he belonged in Mondstadt even though he's spent most of his life trying to protect it. They took him in and welcomed him with open arms, so of course, he would choose them over Khaenri'ah in the end, but—
There wasn't a day that went by when he didn't feel like an outsider. It's the same here with Silco and Jinx. Silco even cements the fact by saying that Jinx would always come first, no matter what, so he doesn't see much of a point in asking him.
But he has a feeling Jinx is going to do whatever she wants so he lets her. All that's going to happen is Silco reiterating what he said. Silco wanted to create a monster, to aid him in his own agenda against everyone else at Horos. That dynamic is what carried over here, and it's even proven when Silco wouldn't even give Kaeya the chance to make a choice for himself earlier on.
At this point, however, this is nothing new. If his own father can reduce him to nothing more than a pawn, then why won't someone else do the same?
So he says nothing. Someone like him doesn't get a say in the matter. ]
He'd always promised Jinx that he wouldn't lie -- not about Vander, not about who they were, or that he thought she was perfect -- he'd told her these things over and over. It's repeated enough that it's a refrain, from when she'd been younger, up until she'd been older. He promised her this, because just like Jinx has her own...issues, Silco has his. The one they have in common, of course, is the one that kept them together, that tie that bound them, what had led a crime lord fresh from the high of a revenge complete, to hugging a little girl in the rain, and telling her it would be all right. That neither of them wanted to be left, or abandoned. Silco had always been afraid of his daughter leaving -- just like Vander had -- tossed away like a dirty little thing, when there had been something new to look toward. Jinx thought the same of him, he knew, even though Silco could never abandon her. Would never -- and to the extent...
Well. Neither of them knew that yet.
His fingers at the grate, he looked at Jinx through it, but then to Kaeya. He'd been so careful with his words, to the both of them. He'd not spoken of Jinx to Kaeya -- Couldn't in a world where he'd thought his daughter was just as gone as the rest of Runeterra -- and he'd thought that perhaps... while Jinx might strain at the idea of having someone else around... he'd certainly hoped that she wouldn't mind Kaeya. He was useful, he understood, in a way that only the two of them had. He knew Kaeya had...wanted Silco to be more, he'd leaned on him, after the Thing had launched a spear into Silco's back, after he'd saved him.
How did he explain such a complication, without driving his daughter away from him too? ]
He's like us, Jinx. [ He said, at first. It wasn't an answer, not really, but it was a preface he could start with. ] I saw his memories, that he went through something like we did.
[ Betrayed by his Brother, just like Silco. Just like Jinx had been betrayed by her Sister. He didn't share the specifics, he thought that would be a betrayal too far -- for the both of them, really. He'd seen a little piece of that, and yes, Silco did what Silco did best. He'd tried to guide him, and had wanted to make him better, to push that little voice that Jinx had -- and even one Silco himself had -- and smother it. Wrap fingers around its neck, drown it in the water so it stifled that voice, and stopped trying to make them pretend to be anything but what they were. To stop trying to convince them that they weren't perfect, or worthy, just because there were those who were blind to how they could be more. That they were more than just dirty little things, because they had been inconvenient, or crazy, or someone from another land and different goals.
That still didn't explain what Silco thought of Kaeya as, which was somewhere nebulous, not quite the same as Sevika, and nobody, nobody could replace Jinx -- even in a world where she was gone, Silco had hoped, day after day that she'd be present in Horos, and now that they were in a new world, and she was...
It was just as chaotic and rife with danger as it had been back home. Somewhere, in the pit of Silco's black heart, he knows this is normal for Jinx, and that's better than the hyper-paranoid stalking she'd taken to since he'd woken up under the tree recently. He would rather her manic highs and expressive, angry drive, than anything else, as that's the person Silco loved -- manic, angry, driven, just the person he'd thought was perfect from the first moment he'd held her in the rain.
But...
He flicked his eyes to Kaeya, in front of him. He remembered that day, so clearly, when he'd been worried over the boy -- when he'd rescued his shard while that thing fought the rest of them. There was a...feeling, when he had his shard, and he'd been pleased, when it was his body that was recovered next, and he hadn't even been dissipated. He'd felt relief, that he was safe. Perhaps that had led Kaeya to lean on him -- and Silco had to pull away -- it had felt like he was replacing Jinx, if he'd let him stay there against his shoulder. So he'd pulled away, established that distance. Forced it, because Kaeya had looked too close, or relied on him too much -- but he had saved him. Twice.
What would happen, if they were finally even? Would Kaeya betray them too?
Paused for a second, before: ]
I saved his life, and I took him under my wing. I wanted to help guide him -- to help him be better than simply being held back by his past -- like we had to.
[ It's hard to define something so nebulous, isn't it? Especially for Someone like Silco, whose fear of betrayal adds that buffer. Just in case. ]
[ Kaeya's silence seems to speak for him. he doesn't defend himself, doesn't make excuses for himself or Silco, doesn't try to rationalize anything or make it make sense.
Jinx watches Kaeya's face as Silco speaks. she's quiet for a few heavy beats of fraught, tense silence--
before she re-holsters the pistol at her side. she doesn't ease her weight from the grate, yet, still leaning in close to Kaeya, still watching him like a hawk. ]
Did it work?
[ he hadn't answered before, but it seems important that she gets it out of him now. ]
What he drowned. Did it work?
[ is it gone? or does he find whatever it was still lives inside of him despite Silco's efforts?
it's hard. there are so many of those landmines laying scattered in every direction - and it's impossible to tell where they lay or what might trigger one. at least she seems to be easing up, at least... ]
[ Kaeya listens to every single thing that Silco has to say. He finds himself caught between wanting to laugh or wanting to be the one to pull the trigger. It's a fleeting moment that's gone as quickly as it arises, leaving him with a heavier heart and emptier smile. Even now, the man has managed to find a way to dance around the topic, and that's fine. Really, it is. He wasn't expecting anything different.
When Jinx asks him if it works, his answer is simple and plain. He shakes his head slowly, speaking with a tone that seems just as unwavering and fragile as ice. ]
No. [ He levels his gaze with Jinx. ] It didn't.
[ Perhaps he'd managed to convince himself that it worked, once upon a time, but it didn't take long for the lie to collapse in on itself. Silco wanted him to let the monster out, but what monster is there? There's no monster in Kaeya, only one that he's pretending to have. It would have been so much easier if he'd figured out how to let go of everything that held him back when the man submerged him under the frigid waters, but he's still the same.
Just as brittle, just as cold.
How easily swayed he is by the existence of the Shard belonging to the one who betrayed him is proof of that. ]
[ It's Silco's turn for Silence, as he looked between Jinx, and Kaeya, like he was trying to figure out which one to focus on. His fingers tightened in the grate, as if he could break the grate itself, and interject in some way -- when words were his realm.
So why was it, when something like this was involved, did words fail him?
What did he mean, it hadn't worked? Why was Jinx asking? Had it not worked for her either? That couldn't be, could it? It had worked for him, let him drown that weak little man who hadn't been able to seal the deal for Zaun, and when the past had died.
A small part of himself -- the one that's so angry and so scared of dying again, wonders if it really is dead? -- But Silco is quick to strangle that, in his own mind, he's quick to silence that small voice, just like he's quick to cover up the signs of his own drowning, that his scar was covered now spoke plenty to how Silco tried to move on from such things. Bury it, and let it rot underneath.
Hell of a metaphor, for a man who can't define the sorts of things he's being asked, isn't he? ]
[ she gets the answer she was looking for. whether it was the one she expected, whether it was the one she was hoping for is frustratingly hard to tell from her unreadable expression.
but she releases the grate, and her next step puts a tiny bit of distance between the two of them. it's enough that Kaeya could brush by her comfortably if he wanted to. ]
Did you want it to?
[ for someone who's being so demanding, she sure is quick to ignore what's levied her way in favor of being the one asking questions. ]
She doesn't answer his question, but maybe he has a good idea of how she would have answered it anyway. Silco's silence says a lot too. Maybe the old man is thinking along the same lines, realizing the very same thing. He rolls his shoulders in some kind of a half-shrug, wearing an equally unreadable expression on his face. ]
Who knows.
[ He'll leave it at that. If it's another landmine, well— he'll figure out a way around it. ]
What the hell is he supposed to say to the two of them? Jinx was likely mad -- furious, perhaps -- and that was enough of a landmine that Silco would be emptying his pockets for supplies for her, if just to soothe her anger, but that would come later, he suspected.
It may have been foolish, to think that there would be some sort of seamless shift, that Jinx would accept anyone Silco had met or had grown somewhat close to, even if they pose no threat to her -- as if any could -- but it didn't matter, because in the same way Jinx feared Silco abandoning her, he watched her with the same worry, wondering if she was going to vanish, or disappear on a moment's notice.
He stepped back from the grate, to let them in, a few steps back, but it's slow, watching. Evaluating. ]
It's not much further.
[ Which was a lot better than talking about things, if Silco had any input. (He did not) ]
it could be worse for sure; if it was, both Silco and Kaeya know by now she wouldn't hesitate in making that immediately and well-known. as it is, she watches Kaeya from periphery as she steps fully back and away from him. if he doesn't want to tell her? if he wants to play aloof? fine.
she very maturely makes sure to check Silco with her shoulder as she steps through the grate and carries on ahead in silence.
[ Kaeya can only watch as Jinx walks away from him, feeling oddly numb. He doesn't have much more to say, so he lets the silence surround them all despite its heavy weight. It's not like there's anything that can be said that would fix this, whatever this is—
Was there even anything to fix? Not really, as far as he's aware. All that's happened is he was reminded of something he should have never forgotten. He knows better now so it's okay. He'll reassess things on his own once this little trip is over.
He gestures for Silco to go ahead, just like their previous arrangement.
[ He said, his tone gruff. He barely moved, when Jinx shoulder-checked him. Annoyed though he was at being put in this position, it would be quickly dismissed from Silco. He had always had a spine like jelly when it came to his daughter, and... Silco had always been weak to her whims. So she was mad, but she hadn't left, and there's a slight slump in his shoulders, as he walked forward, and deeper into the below.
He knew, in some part of himself, that it was wrong. He didn't know how, but it was. If he couldn't describe it to himself, how was he supposed to describe it to Jinx? Or Kaeya?
Did it matter? He didn't know, and so, he led them deeper into the below -- the chilled mood between the three of them really, truly dampened. A small part of him was angry -- furious -- that he'd been asked to describe something, and on top of it, that what he'd tried to do for the two of them didn't work. That something that Silco had found solace in -- resolution in -- hadn't worked.
It had for him. Right?
When they moved close to the next aqueduct, he gestured, to the right.
There's a soft hum, now, a din of voices, and life, that's difficult to ignore. And it's getting louder. ]
[ Jinx hangs back and lets both Silco and Kaeya move ahead of her, taking up the rear and remaining at a leisurely, measured distance from both men. she's watching their backs in more ways than one (threatening)(angrily)(possessively)(fearfully) and radiating some truly rancid vibes; still, at least she isn't inciting any more verbal violence at the moment.
...at THIS moment, anyway.
she'll be nice and quiet even though her thoughts are loud enough to fill the entire Below with screaming. the silence probably isn't a great thing, but hey - no one here is doing 'great' anyway! what's one more ticking time bomb among so many others?? ]
[ No one here is doing 'great,' but at least this one can pretend he is. He makes no mention of Jinx's decision to lag behind both him and Silco, carrying on as if all of that didn't just happen. The gloomy mood that had overtaken him is gone, replaced by something more neutral and difficult to read.
At least a distraction presents itself soon enough. Silco didn't lie when he said the Below wasn't much further, and before they know it, they'd finally reached Disneyland. The hustle and bustle of Kowloon become immediately obvious once they reach the end of this tunnel, glowing mushrooms setting the entire city alight in a curiously pink hue.
Kaeya marvels at just how tall this place is, structures upon structures built over each other because they had nowhere else to go but up. ]
[ It's not like Silco actually has eyes in the back of his head, but even so, he looked back at Jinx, as if he was afraid she'd disappear, or run away, or leave. It's a totally normal and healthy response, and not at all codependent. Not. At. All.
As they drew near to the layers upon layers, the stacked bustle of the city spread out, and Silco slowed, so they could both move forward at their leisure. ]
It's called Kowloon, and apparently, as permissive as things are topside... They're even moreso down here.
[ His eyes took it in, the sights, the smells, the -- everything. It's... a lot like being home -- although not quite as foul or difficult to breathe. Nothing could truly replicate Zaun, and her poisoned streets, the vents could only do so much, and Silco had grown up with less.
[ Jinx's silence continues as they trek further and further lower into the Below, maintaining her task of watching their backs and taking in their surroundings. Silco isn't wrong; the more deeply they slip into Kowloon... the more like she's at home she feels.
she's going to be spending a lot of time down in this place, isn't she.
as Silco slows his pace, she shoots him an impassive look. ]
What did Kathova send you for?
[ she's half-tempted to simply head off on her own and investigate as she will, but despite everything... there is still a part that doesn't want to leave her old man alone, even irritated and on edge as she is.
and it shouldn't be Kaeya's job to babysit. especially not after... well, does she really need to say it? ]
[ No, it really isn't Kaeya's job to babysit, but he's probably going to do it anyway.
He lingers close to the other two despite feeling the burning need to get out there and explore everything the Below has to offer. It can wait, he supposes, until he's sure that Silco and Jinx will be alright. Maybe both he and Jinx are more alike than anyone will ever realize.
He turns to Silco as soon as Jinx asks that question, eyebrow raised. He'd like to know why Kathova sent the man here too.
Supposedly... [ He broached, and considered his words.
Kathova had mentioned his task from Yima -- something that he'd not shared with either Kaeya or Jinx, the two people he'd in fact encouraged to do just that to, and apparently had failed -- before he'd pointed him in this direction. That it was related to this task...
Well. He drug his index down his lip, considering how to word it. ]
He thought having the directions to this place would help my... goals.
Apparently Yima knows me better than I thought, if they're sending me down here.
[ She can't decide if that answer is comforting or annoying. Jinx has to admit, being here feels as right as anything has felt since waking up in that stupid cocoon thing beneath the Tree's roots - and that the people they're all but forced to follow granted them safe passage here of their own accord can't be a coincidence.
She doesn't like people knowing her, knowing Silco. Is this some bid for favor? Loyalty? It doesn't work like that.
But she keeps her thoughts to herself, only the look of ire in her eyes betraying her growing restlessness. Like Kaeya, part of her definitely wants to tear off on her own and explore to her heart's content, but that's not why they're here. And that's not what she came to do - not yet, anyway. ]
Which goals? [ Because there's no Zaun to free down here. ] And don't give me some long-winded blah blah answer; you're already on thin ice.
[ Kaeya takes note of that pun and has to resist laughing. Now isn't the time to show amusement when Silco is on thin ice — and it isn't just Jinx who thinks that. Not that he'll say that out loud, because what's it like to freely talk about your issues? That's just something he doesn't do.
He does look a tiny bit more interested when Silco mentions that Yima must know him better than initially assumed. That's a curious thing to say. Yima didn't strike him as the type who would be interested in affairs related to the Below, but then again... he doesn't really know Yima, does he? It's always the kindest ones that tend to hold a darker secret.
Something to keep in mind for next time. ]
It does seem like the perfect place to accomplish said goals, no matter how questionable.
[ That's all he has to say... Silco has to answer Jinx first, anyway!! ]
[ Well, he certainly can't exactly say that Yima told him to make monsters -- definitely not to the very two people that he'd tried to push past their own hangups and limitations -- he can be mostly honest with Jinx. If it had just been her here, he would have gone into detail, but he doesn't know how much Kaeya knew about Yima, or how much he would be willing to sign on, if he knew.
Jinx, however, would have by now seen the vial of shimmer in his rooms, and that didn't come from nowhere, now did it? ]
It's simple. I want every world that isn't ours [ A significant look at Jinx, "ours", meaning Zaun. He didn't even care about Runeterra. If there was one thing Silco wanted, more than anything else, it was to destroy the rest of these worlds, because they had the audacity to not be Zaun. ] to suffer the same fate as ours. As...recompense, for Zaun. I can't fight, can't heal, so what can I do? [ eyes moved to gesture the city before them. ]
I could find a way to make a place like this useful, for starters.
[ maybe part of her should be concerned by that response (anyone rational surely would be). but instead, Jinx finds it at least somewhat satisfying; there is nothing quite as chaotic and perfect as untamed and wanton destruction, after all. taking entire worlds down - it was like a dream come true. infinite playgrounds, infinite places to let loose, infinite ways to inject a little fun into the status quo.
but the fact Silco hadn't deflected works in his favor, at least; some of the irritation has faded from her eyes as she watches his back. ]
What are we looking for, or are we looking around for something to look around for?
[ or is it a who? somewhere to start. something to chase, to pull at, to cause trouble for. that's what she's good at.
she doesn't know about Kaeya. she doesn't know if he shares Silco's ambitions, too, so her eyes slide to him next as she waits to see what he thinks. ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 05:23 am (UTC)there is the most meager flinch when he says those words so casually - 'when he drowned you too?' and for a brief moment, her anger
fearspikes. drowned... too. he really went and repeated that whole performance, did he? but he hadn't followed through. no meaningful story, no waxing poetic about the pain of betrayal and all that? why? why not? wasn't that part of the point?Jinx's eyes suddenly jerk to her right shoulder as if listening to something unheard. it doesn't last long, though, and she's quick to resume her attentions on Kaeya. those eyes are more alive with an unhealthy energy that is feeding her
fearrageand paranoia. ]So, what. Is that what you are? To him?
[ she wants to sound viscerally angry, accusatory. her grip on the trigger tightens subconsciously.
instead, she just sounds unhinged, and half-way a girl lost and alone whose footing has been yanked out from under her, and halfway a young woman desperate to maintain face in front of someone she feels sees her as weak, vulnerable. ]
What did he have you leave behind in the water? I'm feeling like [ she leans her right hand against the grate, pinning Kaeya between it and her, gun still trained on her father ] you and I have a lot we really oughta get out in the open, Ice Guy. Do you know what I mean?
[ why?
why. why, why, why, why. ]
is it fine...
Date: 2022-11-27 05:53 am (UTC)[ He isn't trying to be difficult, really, but it's hard to see what it is they're supposed to 'get out in the open,' as it were. To Kaeya, it's as clear as day what's going on here: the line has already been drawn in the sand, and now Jinx is lining it up with gasoline and an open flame. This is how it was with the Ragnvindrs, whenever he looked and saw both Diluc and his father—
(In the end, he has really no one, doesn't he?)
This is all the same. They're all the same. He's still that young boy who was left behind by his father to serve a purpose. That's all he ever will be, and nothing more.
He gets it. ]
I don't think I'm anything to him, really. Perhaps a glorified version of a hired muscle. [ Hah. ] Nothing more than that.
[ As for what he left behind in the water... ]
Betrayal is a funny thing, isn't it? Even when you try to move past it, it'll always find its way back to you.
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Date: 2022-11-27 06:13 am (UTC)There's a small part of Silco that protests, that it's a lie. Not that he knew what Kaeya was. Not like Jinx, but there was nobody like Jinx -- and having a picture into the odd relationship between the two of them was a pretty clear sign that Kaeya might want to get out of that -- but even still. Hired muscle didn't quite track.
Kaeya, after all, was just like them, if only she'd see it.
No matter, right? If that's what Kaeya thought, he wouldn't protest. His lips twitched, and he didn't even flinch away from Jinx's gun. It's not like he has any reason to be afraid of that right now, right? Haha, anyway. He ignored the gun, and pressed a hand against the grate, against Jinx's hand. ]
You know I'd never betray you, Jinx, nobody could ever be more important to me than you are. You know that.
[ Silco, of course, would say anything to bring Jinx back down. It's probably why she got away with everything, and why everyone who was associated with Silco had such strong...opinions about her. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-27 06:32 am (UTC)anyone with half a wit would see that was doomed from the get-go. it isn't like she doesn't get it. she gets it. but denial is one hell of a drug, isn't it?
that little, frustratingly persistent voice is what's telling her to see what's in Kaeya's eye right here and now. it's enough that she doesn't realize she's loosened her hold on the pistol, momentarily distracted as Silco's words are absorbed - and yet... they're fading into the background. he'd never betray her; no one could ever be more important. he says it out loud right to Kaeya's face, and surely she should feel vindictively gladdened by that.
but she doesn't.
Kaeya gets something most people don't when it comes to Jinx. it's typically all or nothing. there is no halfway, no half-starts, no half-done. that whole 'benefit of the doubt' thing isn't her normal style.
but she doesn't think he can have faked what he felt that day - what she felt from him - when she'd reached out to him in a chaotic and desperate bid for Communion. and even if he could - he stayed the full five days... he didn't leave her or Silco. it isn't easy to dismiss that, even if there will always be that sliver of her brain working up all the convenient reasons to justify it away and fuel her fear.
...she grips the grate more tightly. ]
Let's find out.
[ the words are already bereft the vitriol. a bit softer.
Jinx lets the pistol fall to her side, but it is replaced by a greater threat - the look in her eyes as she gazes beyond Kaeya's shoulder, staring Silco in the face. ]
What is he to you? Really.
[ ...it's incredibly hard to tell where the next landmine lies.
will she be angry if Silco defends his relationship with Kaeya? or is she expecting some confession that this one is more than just a hired hand, that he matters in some way?
guess there's one way to find out. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 12:00 am (UTC)Growing up in a foreign nation where no one knew who he was or where he came from has taught him that there are boundaries he can't cross. He hasn't felt like he belonged in Mondstadt even though he's spent most of his life trying to protect it. They took him in and welcomed him with open arms, so of course, he would choose them over Khaenri'ah in the end, but—
There wasn't a day that went by when he didn't feel like an outsider. It's the same here with Silco and Jinx. Silco even cements the fact by saying that Jinx would always come first, no matter what, so he doesn't see much of a point in asking him.
But he has a feeling Jinx is going to do whatever she wants so he lets her. All that's going to happen is Silco reiterating what he said. Silco wanted to create a monster, to aid him in his own agenda against everyone else at Horos. That dynamic is what carried over here, and it's even proven when Silco wouldn't even give Kaeya the chance to make a choice for himself earlier on.
At this point, however, this is nothing new. If his own father can reduce him to nothing more than a pawn, then why won't someone else do the same?
So he says nothing. Someone like him doesn't get a say in the matter. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 12:27 am (UTC)He'd always promised Jinx that he wouldn't lie -- not about Vander, not about who they were, or that he thought she was perfect -- he'd told her these things over and over. It's repeated enough that it's a refrain, from when she'd been younger, up until she'd been older. He promised her this, because just like Jinx has her own...issues, Silco has his. The one they have in common, of course, is the one that kept them together, that tie that bound them, what had led a crime lord fresh from the high of a revenge complete, to hugging a little girl in the rain, and telling her it would be all right. That neither of them wanted to be left, or abandoned. Silco had always been afraid of his daughter leaving -- just like Vander had -- tossed away like a dirty little thing, when there had been something new to look toward. Jinx thought the same of him, he knew, even though Silco could never abandon her. Would never -- and to the extent...
Well. Neither of them knew that yet.
His fingers at the grate, he looked at Jinx through it, but then to Kaeya. He'd been so careful with his words, to the both of them. He'd not spoken of Jinx to Kaeya -- Couldn't in a world where he'd thought his daughter was just as gone as the rest of Runeterra -- and he'd thought that perhaps... while Jinx might strain at the idea of having someone else around... he'd certainly hoped that she wouldn't mind Kaeya. He was useful, he understood, in a way that only the two of them had. He knew Kaeya had...wanted Silco to be more, he'd leaned on him, after the Thing had launched a spear into Silco's back, after he'd saved him.
How did he explain such a complication, without driving his daughter away from him too? ]
He's like us, Jinx. [ He said, at first. It wasn't an answer, not really, but it was a preface he could start with. ] I saw his memories, that he went through something like we did.
[ Betrayed by his Brother, just like Silco. Just like Jinx had been betrayed by her Sister. He didn't share the specifics, he thought that would be a betrayal too far -- for the both of them, really. He'd seen a little piece of that, and yes, Silco did what Silco did best. He'd tried to guide him, and had wanted to make him better, to push that little voice that Jinx had -- and even one Silco himself had -- and smother it. Wrap fingers around its neck, drown it in the water so it stifled that voice, and stopped trying to make them pretend to be anything but what they were. To stop trying to convince them that they weren't perfect, or worthy, just because there were those who were blind to how they could be more. That they were more than just dirty little things, because they had been inconvenient, or crazy, or someone from another land and different goals.
That still didn't explain what Silco thought of Kaeya as, which was somewhere nebulous, not quite the same as Sevika, and nobody, nobody could replace Jinx -- even in a world where she was gone, Silco had hoped, day after day that she'd be present in Horos, and now that they were in a new world, and she was...
It was just as chaotic and rife with danger as it had been back home. Somewhere, in the pit of Silco's black heart, he knows this is normal for Jinx, and that's better than the hyper-paranoid stalking she'd taken to since he'd woken up under the tree recently. He would rather her manic highs and expressive, angry drive, than anything else, as that's the person Silco loved -- manic, angry, driven, just the person he'd thought was perfect from the first moment he'd held her in the rain.
But...
He flicked his eyes to Kaeya, in front of him. He remembered that day, so clearly, when he'd been worried over the boy -- when he'd rescued his shard while that thing fought the rest of them. There was a...feeling, when he had his shard, and he'd been pleased, when it was his body that was recovered next, and he hadn't even been dissipated. He'd felt relief, that he was safe. Perhaps that had led Kaeya to lean on him -- and Silco had to pull away -- it had felt like he was replacing Jinx, if he'd let him stay there against his shoulder. So he'd pulled away, established that distance. Forced it, because Kaeya had looked too close, or relied on him too much -- but he had saved him. Twice.
What would happen, if they were finally even? Would Kaeya betray them too?
Paused for a second, before: ]
I saved his life, and I took him under my wing. I wanted to help guide him -- to help him be better than simply being held back by his past -- like we had to.
[ It's hard to define something so nebulous, isn't it? Especially for Someone like Silco, whose fear of betrayal adds that buffer. Just in case. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 12:41 am (UTC)Jinx watches Kaeya's face as Silco speaks. she's quiet for a few heavy beats of fraught, tense silence--
before she re-holsters the pistol at her side. she doesn't ease her weight from the grate, yet, still leaning in close to Kaeya, still watching him like a hawk. ]
Did it work?
[ he hadn't answered before, but it seems important that she gets it out of him now. ]
What he drowned. Did it work?
[ is it gone? or does he find whatever it was still lives inside of him despite Silco's efforts?
it's hard. there are so many of those landmines laying scattered in every direction - and it's impossible to tell where they lay or what might trigger one. at least she seems to be easing up, at least... ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 01:19 am (UTC)When Jinx asks him if it works, his answer is simple and plain. He shakes his head slowly, speaking with a tone that seems just as unwavering and fragile as ice. ]
No. [ He levels his gaze with Jinx. ] It didn't.
[ Perhaps he'd managed to convince himself that it worked, once upon a time, but it didn't take long for the lie to collapse in on itself. Silco wanted him to let the monster out, but what monster is there? There's no monster in Kaeya, only one that he's pretending to have. It would have been so much easier if he'd figured out how to let go of everything that held him back when the man submerged him under the frigid waters, but he's still the same.
Just as brittle, just as cold.
How easily swayed he is by the existence of the Shard belonging to the one who betrayed him is proof of that. ]
Did it work for you?
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Date: 2022-11-28 01:41 am (UTC)So why was it, when something like this was involved, did words fail him?
What did he mean, it hadn't worked? Why was Jinx asking? Had it not worked for her either? That couldn't be, could it? It had worked for him, let him drown that weak little man who hadn't been able to seal the deal for Zaun, and when the past had died.
A small part of himself -- the one that's so angry and so scared of dying again, wonders if it really is dead? -- But Silco is quick to strangle that, in his own mind, he's quick to silence that small voice, just like he's quick to cover up the signs of his own drowning, that his scar was covered now spoke plenty to how Silco tried to move on from such things. Bury it, and let it rot underneath.
Hell of a metaphor, for a man who can't define the sorts of things he's being asked, isn't he? ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 02:49 am (UTC)but she releases the grate, and her next step puts a tiny bit of distance between the two of them. it's enough that Kaeya could brush by her comfortably if he wanted to. ]
Did you want it to?
[ for someone who's being so demanding, she sure is quick to ignore what's levied her way in favor of being the one asking questions. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 03:05 am (UTC)She doesn't answer his question, but maybe he has a good idea of how she would have answered it anyway. Silco's silence says a lot too. Maybe the old man is thinking along the same lines, realizing the very same thing. He rolls his shoulders in some kind of a half-shrug, wearing an equally unreadable expression on his face. ]
Who knows.
[ He'll leave it at that. If it's another landmine, well— he'll figure out a way around it. ]
Shall we keep going?
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Date: 2022-11-28 04:46 am (UTC)What the hell is he supposed to say to the two of them? Jinx was likely mad -- furious, perhaps -- and that was enough of a landmine that Silco would be emptying his pockets for supplies for her, if just to soothe her anger, but that would come later, he suspected.
It may have been foolish, to think that there would be some sort of seamless shift, that Jinx would accept anyone Silco had met or had grown somewhat close to, even if they pose no threat to her -- as if any could -- but it didn't matter, because in the same way Jinx feared Silco abandoning her, he watched her with the same worry, wondering if she was going to vanish, or disappear on a moment's notice.
He stepped back from the grate, to let them in, a few steps back, but it's slow, watching. Evaluating. ]
It's not much further.
[ Which was a lot better than talking about things, if Silco had any input. (He did not) ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 05:18 am (UTC)it could be worse for sure; if it was, both Silco and Kaeya know by now she wouldn't hesitate in making that immediately and well-known. as it is, she watches Kaeya from periphery as she steps fully back and away from him. if he doesn't want to tell her? if he wants to play aloof? fine.
she very maturely makes sure to check Silco with her shoulder as she steps through the grate and carries on ahead in silence.
wow, talk about a mood killer........ ☹ ]
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Date: 2022-11-29 04:08 am (UTC)Was there even anything to fix? Not really, as far as he's aware. All that's happened is he was reminded of something he should have never forgotten. He knows better now so it's okay. He'll reassess things on his own once this little trip is over.
He gestures for Silco to go ahead, just like their previous arrangement.
He'll follow. ]
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Date: 2022-11-29 04:35 am (UTC)[ He said, his tone gruff. He barely moved, when Jinx shoulder-checked him. Annoyed though he was at being put in this position, it would be quickly dismissed from Silco. He had always had a spine like jelly when it came to his daughter, and... Silco had always been weak to her whims. So she was mad, but she hadn't left, and there's a slight slump in his shoulders, as he walked forward, and deeper into the below.
He knew, in some part of himself, that it was wrong. He didn't know how, but it was. If he couldn't describe it to himself, how was he supposed to describe it to Jinx? Or Kaeya?
Did it matter? He didn't know, and so, he led them deeper into the below -- the chilled mood between the three of them really, truly dampened. A small part of him was angry -- furious -- that he'd been asked to describe something, and on top of it, that what he'd tried to do for the two of them didn't work. That something that Silco had found solace in -- resolution in -- hadn't worked.
It had for him. Right?
When they moved close to the next aqueduct, he gestured, to the right.
There's a soft hum, now, a din of voices, and life, that's difficult to ignore. And it's getting louder. ]
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Date: 2022-11-29 07:38 pm (UTC)...at THIS moment, anyway.
she'll be nice and quiet even though her thoughts are loud enough to fill the entire Below with screaming. the silence probably isn't a great thing, but hey - no one here is doing 'great' anyway! what's one more ticking time bomb among so many others?? ]
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Date: 2022-11-30 04:29 am (UTC)At least a distraction presents itself soon enough. Silco didn't lie when he said the Below wasn't much further, and before they know it, they'd finally reached Disneyland. The hustle and bustle of Kowloon become immediately obvious once they reach the end of this tunnel, glowing mushrooms setting the entire city alight in a curiously pink hue.
Kaeya marvels at just how tall this place is, structures upon structures built over each other because they had nowhere else to go but up. ]
So this is the Below?
[ Wow. ]
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Date: 2022-12-01 06:08 am (UTC)As they drew near to the layers upon layers, the stacked bustle of the city spread out, and Silco slowed, so they could both move forward at their leisure. ]
It's called Kowloon, and apparently, as permissive as things are topside... They're even moreso down here.
[ His eyes took it in, the sights, the smells, the -- everything. It's... a lot like being home -- although not quite as foul or difficult to breathe. Nothing could truly replicate Zaun, and her poisoned streets, the vents could only do so much, and Silco had grown up with less.
Still, even without the poisoned air... ]
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Date: 2022-12-01 09:22 pm (UTC)she's going to be spending a lot of time down in this place, isn't she.
as Silco slows his pace, she shoots him an impassive look. ]
What did Kathova send you for?
[ she's half-tempted to simply head off on her own and investigate as she will, but despite everything... there is still a part that doesn't want to leave her old man alone, even irritated and on edge as she is.
and it shouldn't be Kaeya's job to babysit. especially not after... well, does she really need to say it? ]
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Date: 2022-12-04 04:01 am (UTC)He lingers close to the other two despite feeling the burning need to get out there and explore everything the Below has to offer. It can wait, he supposes, until he's sure that Silco and Jinx will be alright. Maybe both he and Jinx are more alike than anyone will ever realize.
He turns to Silco as soon as Jinx asks that question, eyebrow raised. He'd like to know why Kathova sent the man here too.
He has nothing to add, anyway. ]
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Date: 2022-12-04 04:57 am (UTC)Kathova had mentioned his task from Yima -- something that he'd not shared with either Kaeya or Jinx, the two people he'd in fact encouraged to do just that to, and apparently had failed -- before he'd pointed him in this direction. That it was related to this task...
Well. He drug his index down his lip, considering how to word it. ]
He thought having the directions to this place would help my... goals.
Apparently Yima knows me better than I thought, if they're sending me down here.
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Date: 2022-12-05 09:07 am (UTC)She doesn't like people knowing her, knowing Silco. Is this some bid for favor? Loyalty? It doesn't work like that.
But she keeps her thoughts to herself, only the look of ire in her eyes betraying her growing restlessness. Like Kaeya, part of her definitely wants to tear off on her own and explore to her heart's content, but that's not why they're here. And that's not what she came to do - not yet, anyway. ]
Which goals? [ Because there's no Zaun to free down here. ] And don't give me some long-winded blah blah answer; you're already on thin ice.
[ She fixes him with a warning glance,
and yes, that was an ice pun for Frosty, ]
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Date: 2022-12-06 12:50 am (UTC)He does look a tiny bit more interested when Silco mentions that Yima must know him better than initially assumed. That's a curious thing to say. Yima didn't strike him as the type who would be interested in affairs related to the Below, but then again... he doesn't really know Yima, does he? It's always the kindest ones that tend to hold a darker secret.
Something to keep in mind for next time. ]
It does seem like the perfect place to accomplish said goals, no matter how questionable.
[ That's all he has to say... Silco has to answer Jinx first, anyway!! ]
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Date: 2022-12-06 04:45 am (UTC)Jinx, however, would have by now seen the vial of shimmer in his rooms, and that didn't come from nowhere, now did it? ]
It's simple. I want every world that isn't ours [ A significant look at Jinx, "ours", meaning Zaun. He didn't even care about Runeterra. If there was one thing Silco wanted, more than anything else, it was to destroy the rest of these worlds, because they had the audacity to not be Zaun. ] to suffer the same fate as ours. As...recompense, for Zaun. I can't fight, can't heal, so what can I do? [ eyes moved to gesture the city before them. ]
I could find a way to make a place like this useful, for starters.
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Date: 2022-12-06 05:29 am (UTC)but the fact Silco hadn't deflected works in his favor, at least; some of the irritation has faded from her eyes as she watches his back. ]
What are we looking for, or are we looking around for something to look around for?
[ or is it a who? somewhere to start. something to chase, to pull at, to cause trouble for. that's what she's good at.
she doesn't know about Kaeya. she doesn't know if he shares Silco's ambitions, too, so her eyes slide to him next as she waits to see what he thinks. ]
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