[ Jinx flashes Kaeya a grin at the question, and her lack of verbal answer might be a bit disconcerting. suppose someone is scheming Machinations,
but she is again distracted by the call from Silco directing them leftward. Jinx decides to lead the pack, jogging over to the opening and peering on down the slope; she reaches up to grasp the mouth of half-broken metal hanging over the top and decides the best descent is to slide on down, so,
you know, that's what she's doing!! ]
Keep up, slowpokes - or I'm leaving you behiii~nd!
There is a moment where Kaeya simply watches Jinx go down the pipe as though it were a children's slide. If you think there's a spike of jealousy showing on his face, you're absolutely right because damn, why is he stuck on babysitting duty? He wants to do the same thing— ]
There won't be a prize if you win, you know?
[ Just saying!! Then again, if Jinx wanted one, surely Silco can provide something appropriate.
The slope isn't too difficult to trudge through, but he is taking his time anyway. So far no one else is coming up from behind them so it seems fine to continue talking like normal. ]
How much further are we going? At this rate, we'll end up at the Abyss if we go any lower.
[ It feels like they've been going down and down for a while, but it makes sense. Of course they'd make it difficult to reach the Below. ]
A few more turns after this. It's a bit deep -- and not exactly easy to get to.
[ he said, but his feet move down the pipe with less care than Kaeya shows. Sure, he has too much self-restricting dignity to slide down it, but Silco's been slipping through Sump pipes all his life, just like Jinx. His feet don't slide out of clumsiness, but he certainly let them catch and slide down a rather slick patch, before he hopped, to stop the slide, and then back down onto solid ground for the last few steps down the pipe.
He caught sight of Jinx, and pointed in their next direction, through another grate. This one popped open with a catch, which he opened with an expert hand. ]
It should be worth it, but I think it's a maze to get down here for a reason. They don't want just anyone getting down here.
[ But these three? Silco was convinced they'd fit right in. ]
[ the call comes up from the bottom of the slope back for Kaeya - she heard that!! - but Jinx's footsteps amble away from the pipe. she doesn't wander far, just far enough to get a good view of what's to come. ]
Sooo... we're almost there?
[ her impatience is mounting alongside her curiosity as she watches Silco open the next grate; at least he seemed confident about his directions, and she already knew how familiar a Zaunite was with the underground.
it has her sliding her eyes toward Kaeya, thoughtfully. ]
How'd you and Silco get so buddy-buddy, anyway?
[ is it just striking her now she never thought to ask,
[ 'Almost' there can mean a multitude of things. Ah, well. If it's going to take them a while to get there, then so be it. It doesn't hurt to have more time to memorize the pathways anyway just so he'll be just as confident about his directions as Silco is.
Then again, that also means more time for questions such as the one Jinx threw his way. He'd been wondering when it would come up, but it's not like they haven't been busy with Other Things. ]
Hm? He drowned me.
[ It's not quite a lie when there is some truth to it, even if it isn't the complete picture, but the way he says it may come across as such. It feels like forever ago when he found himself asking Silco how he can avoid being cast aside, the icy waters remoulding him into something he doesn't know if he wants to be.
With the grate open, he approaches it from the side and places a hand against it — to keep it open. He gestures with a graceful sweep of his hand for both Jinx and Silco to go through first. ]
After you.
[ If Jinx wants to know more, she's going to have to hassle him, it seems. ]
[ Silco had just been about to explain that "Almost" was relative, and there was still a bit to go, when she asked a very interesting question.
Silco, of course, was going to be silent during this part of the conversation. It's difficult to describe, the moment that he and Kaeya had found something in common, and it certainly wasn't the sort of thing that he could say. It was Kaeya's secret to share, that he'd been betrayed. The drowning, though, well -- he hoped Jinx would not take it personally.
He went first this time, through the grate, taking the lead, although he didn't move ahead like Jinx had, taking his time through a smaller tunnel -- one where he had to duck his head slightly every now and then, although it wasn't too tight. Not like the kinds of pipes that they used to crawl through to move around the fissures.
He wondered if Kaeya would share, the thing that tied all three of them together. The ever-present reminder that for each of them -- they had been cast away, for who they were. For being Too Driven, or Too Willing to Help, or for being honest with a goal. Silco might be the only one who can see the connection, that bound all three of them together, but he did see it. That each of them had been betrayed by someone important to them, and it's what had brought he and Jinx together, and then he and Kaeya.
He did not, however, say anything, and continued on. Willing to wait to see how Jinx felt about that first. ]
[ she trails off as whatever thought she was having is interrupted by another, and then another, and then a whisper at her right she physically waves off. she is rather pointedly staring at Kaeya, now. ]
How about you go ahead and elaborate on that one, Ice Boy? [ does that sound... bitter? definitely. there's an edge in her voice that hadn't been there a moment ago, and Jinx is rather purposefully nudging him out of the way of the grate--
so she can slam it shut, trapping Silco on the other side and Kaeya here with her. ]
Kaeya thinks he's beginning to understand what it is that makes him step on them all the time, but it doesn't help that he's also the type to incite this kind of reaction. He doesn't flinch when Jinx traps him on the other side of the grate with her.
If anything, he meets her pointed gaze with one of his own. It's no wonder Silco would look at him sometimes and wish he was someone else. This is a lot like staring into a mirror. ]
There was an affliction that caught me off-guard in one of the cities at Horos. Silco found me when I was already lost in my own mind, reliving a particularly stormy night. [ A beat passes, and then it's hard to tell what emotion filters through his voice. It tastes like something bitter. Melancholic. ] I almost died back then, because I told someone the truth.
[ He leaves it at that, regardless of whether or not it'll be enough. That's the most he's told someone else about this story. Maybe it's because he has a feeling Jinx can fill in the blanks herself. ]
[ Maybe, just maybe, Silco should have just given it up. He heard the grate slam behind him, and he whirled around, and shifted back to the entrance. He looked between the two of them, his eyes to Jinx, then Kaeya, and then back to Jinx, where they stayed. He should have avoided this landmine, but perhaps he'd hoped that Jinx would have distance from the moment --
She had just arrived, hadn't she? Silco had now almost eight months of distance from what happened on Runeterra, but for her, hadn't he promised her that she could move on from those doubtful thoughts just recently? He'd dipped her under the water just like he'd been -- because it was the only way they could move on.
He touched a finger to the grate, to try to push it back open, but his fingers just rested there, waiting. He could excuse it, that they'd had to hurt each other to get free, and Silco was so good at hurting others, wasn't he? It also wouldn't matter, even in his head, it sounded like an excuse. ]
Jinx -- [ It's a little soft, as if he's trying to impart something unspoken to her, without delving too much. ]
she feels like a fool. she feels stupid, suddenly, for having cared so much that Silco had died and for trusting Kaeya to help her (even though he had helped her, and even though she couldn't have stopped herself from caring about Silco if she tried). rationality was never her strong suit. she was always prone to impulsive decisions and even more impulsive whims of a sick mind that twisted in on itself on the regular.
and it's telling her now that she's been caught like an animal with its belly exposed. that they're laughing at her inside. that she had thought it meant something when he--
and Kaeya, had been--
Jinx unholsters the pistol at her side, though all she does is spin it 'round her index finger by the trigger guard, eying Kaeya in the face at an uncomfortable proximity. then her eyes slide past him, pointedly fixing on Silco. ]
I bet it's a funny story. Real barrel of laughs, right? You know what they say - if you can't join 'em, drown 'em!
[ no one actually says that?? anyway,
her eyes flick sharply back to Kaeya's, an unsteady gleam in her gaze. ]
What else did he do? Tell you about a certain someone, maybe? About someone who betrayed him? Hm?
[ the pistol stops spinning, and she slowly clicks the safety off. ]
Seems to be going around lately. You notice that, Ice Boy?
[ Kaeya can only shake his head, unfazed by the appearance of the pistol and its safety coming off. It wouldn't be the first time he's come face-to-face with death. Probably wouldn't be the last.
This is how it always ends, whenever he tries to tell the truth, but it's fine. He's learning many valuable lessons today. ]
Of course not. He didn't tell me anything. Why would he? Back then, at the Tree, that was the first I've ever heard it was Vander who betrayed him.
[ Kaeya could only make assumptions, after all, because he didn't know the full story. All he knew was that betrayal had to be involved somehow, or else Silco probably wouldn't have even looked his way. ]
Is that what he told you?
[ He doesn't feel like fighting whatever comes next, and yet— ]
[ Since Silco can't open the grate, he can't really interject. Not in any meaningful way. He can't really protest, but the way Jinx interpreted it as a betrayal is -- exactly what Silco would have worried about -- but in the moment, it hadn't been concerned about what Jinx would think. He'd been focused on the mindscape before him -- and a too-similar feeling, a situation he'd seen played out time after time. First with himself, then with Jinx, and then there was this new person, who'd been betrayed in just the same way, and he'd done what felt right. He'd tried to separate him from that which held him back.
And yet now...
There were some things Silco was particularly predictable about. When it came to Jinx, no matter the subject, no matter who or what it was, Silco would always, always choose Jinx. Even in this moment, with his fingers against the grate, he wanted nothing more than to soothe that errant buzz he could see drag across his daughter's face, and placate that violent burst of anger that meant that she was afraid she had been replaced.
He'd wondered, if it would help for her to know that Kaeya had been through the same thing, but as he'd considered uttering the word --
His head whipped to Kaeya, who had put this together quicker than he'd expected, and then back to Jinx. His eyes then danced to the grate, to look for the catch, to see if he could open it up -- he just had to get to his daughter, right? That would solve this? His fingers inched toward the grate, but he looked at her again, while his fingers moved. He wanted to protest, or explain, but with Kaeya here...
Silco is fooling himself, if he thinks that Kaeya has not put together the fact that he's Jinx's father, but even still, he holds onto the shred of secrecy. ]
[ Jinx rather purposefully lifts the pistol, though she doesn't point it at Kaeya. instead, it finds an almost leisurely target in Silco between the bars on the grate, positioned toward his face - but her eyes remain locked on Ice Boy.
there is the most meager flinch when he says those words so casually - 'when he drowned you too?' and for a brief moment, her anger fear spikes. drowned... too. he really went and repeated that whole performance, did he? but he hadn't followed through. no meaningful story, no waxing poetic about the pain of betrayal and all that? why? why not? wasn't that part of the point?
Jinx's eyes suddenly jerk to her right shoulder as if listening to something unheard. it doesn't last long, though, and she's quick to resume her attentions on Kaeya. those eyes are more alive with an unhealthy energy that is feeding her fear rage and paranoia. ]
So, what. Is that what you are? To him?
[ she wants to sound viscerally angry, accusatory. her grip on the trigger tightens subconsciously.
instead, she just sounds unhinged, and half-way a girl lost and alone whose footing has been yanked out from under her, and halfway a young woman desperate to maintain face in front of someone she feels sees her as weak, vulnerable. ]
What did he have you leave behind in the water? I'm feeling like [ she leans her right hand against the grate, pinning Kaeya between it and her, gun still trained on her father ] you and I have a lot we really oughta get out in the open, Ice Guy. Do you know what I mean?
[ He isn't trying to be difficult, really, but it's hard to see what it is they're supposed to 'get out in the open,' as it were. To Kaeya, it's as clear as day what's going on here: the line has already been drawn in the sand, and now Jinx is lining it up with gasoline and an open flame. This is how it was with the Ragnvindrs, whenever he looked and saw both Diluc and his father—
(In the end, he has really no one, doesn't he?)
This is all the same. They're all the same. He's still that young boy who was left behind by his father to serve a purpose. That's all he ever will be, and nothing more.
He gets it. ]
I don't think I'm anything to him, really. Perhaps a glorified version of a hired muscle. [ Hah. ] Nothing more than that.
[ As for what he left behind in the water... ]
Betrayal is a funny thing, isn't it? Even when you try to move past it, it'll always find its way back to you.
[ There is, of course, a small, nearly silent part of Silco that wondered if what Kaeya said is true. Is he really only hired muscle -- he'd given him a similar nudge to Jinx, yes, and stayed, when there had been a moment when a scared kid was feeling the effects of betrayal. Kaeya had once tried to lean on Silco, and Silco... had nudged him away, even as he'd checked in on him, and saved him in the moment that they'd both needed to get out of there. He'd taken a hit for coming in to grab his shard.
There's a small part of Silco that protests, that it's a lie. Not that he knew what Kaeya was. Not like Jinx, but there was nobody like Jinx -- and having a picture into the odd relationship between the two of them was a pretty clear sign that Kaeya might want to get out of that -- but even still. Hired muscle didn't quite track.
Kaeya, after all, was just like them, if only she'd see it.
No matter, right? If that's what Kaeya thought, he wouldn't protest. His lips twitched, and he didn't even flinch away from Jinx's gun. It's not like he has any reason to be afraid of that right now, right? Haha, anyway. He ignored the gun, and pressed a hand against the grate, against Jinx's hand. ]
You know I'd never betray you, Jinx, nobody could ever be more important to me than you are. You know that.
[ Silco, of course, would say anything to bring Jinx back down. It's probably why she got away with everything, and why everyone who was associated with Silco had such strong...opinions about her. ]
[ there's this little... voice that isn't quite like the others. it's the one, ironically enough, that Silco tried to drown in her that night in the water. a small, vulnerable child's voice that never entirely left no matter how many years passed from that fateful day - the part of her that still clings to the idea of Vi, of the possibility that they could ever be together and happy again, that things would magically work out and everything might be okay, that she could be accepted and loved, and--
anyone with half a wit would see that was doomed from the get-go. it isn't like she doesn't get it. she gets it. but denial is one hell of a drug, isn't it?
that little, frustratingly persistent voice is what's telling her to see what's in Kaeya's eye right here and now. it's enough that she doesn't realize she's loosened her hold on the pistol, momentarily distracted as Silco's words are absorbed - and yet... they're fading into the background. he'd never betray her; no one could ever be more important. he says it out loud right to Kaeya's face, and surely she should feel vindictively gladdened by that.
but she doesn't.
Kaeya gets something most people don't when it comes to Jinx. it's typically all or nothing. there is no halfway, no half-starts, no half-done. that whole 'benefit of the doubt' thing isn't her normal style.
but she doesn't think he can have faked what he felt that day - what she felt from him - when she'd reached out to him in a chaotic and desperate bid for Communion. and even if he could - he stayed the full five days... he didn't leave her or Silco. it isn't easy to dismiss that, even if there will always be that sliver of her brain working up all the convenient reasons to justify it away and fuel her fear.
...she grips the grate more tightly. ]
Let's find out.
[ the words are already bereft the vitriol. a bit softer.
Jinx lets the pistol fall to her side, but it is replaced by a greater threat - the look in her eyes as she gazes beyond Kaeya's shoulder, staring Silco in the face. ]
What is he to you? Really.
[ ...it's incredibly hard to tell where the next landmine lies.
will she be angry if Silco defends his relationship with Kaeya? or is she expecting some confession that this one is more than just a hired hand, that he matters in some way?
[ It's not like Kaeya doesn't already know his place.
Growing up in a foreign nation where no one knew who he was or where he came from has taught him that there are boundaries he can't cross. He hasn't felt like he belonged in Mondstadt even though he's spent most of his life trying to protect it. They took him in and welcomed him with open arms, so of course, he would choose them over Khaenri'ah in the end, but—
There wasn't a day that went by when he didn't feel like an outsider. It's the same here with Silco and Jinx. Silco even cements the fact by saying that Jinx would always come first, no matter what, so he doesn't see much of a point in asking him.
But he has a feeling Jinx is going to do whatever she wants so he lets her. All that's going to happen is Silco reiterating what he said. Silco wanted to create a monster, to aid him in his own agenda against everyone else at Horos. That dynamic is what carried over here, and it's even proven when Silco wouldn't even give Kaeya the chance to make a choice for himself earlier on.
At this point, however, this is nothing new. If his own father can reduce him to nothing more than a pawn, then why won't someone else do the same?
So he says nothing. Someone like him doesn't get a say in the matter. ]
He'd always promised Jinx that he wouldn't lie -- not about Vander, not about who they were, or that he thought she was perfect -- he'd told her these things over and over. It's repeated enough that it's a refrain, from when she'd been younger, up until she'd been older. He promised her this, because just like Jinx has her own...issues, Silco has his. The one they have in common, of course, is the one that kept them together, that tie that bound them, what had led a crime lord fresh from the high of a revenge complete, to hugging a little girl in the rain, and telling her it would be all right. That neither of them wanted to be left, or abandoned. Silco had always been afraid of his daughter leaving -- just like Vander had -- tossed away like a dirty little thing, when there had been something new to look toward. Jinx thought the same of him, he knew, even though Silco could never abandon her. Would never -- and to the extent...
Well. Neither of them knew that yet.
His fingers at the grate, he looked at Jinx through it, but then to Kaeya. He'd been so careful with his words, to the both of them. He'd not spoken of Jinx to Kaeya -- Couldn't in a world where he'd thought his daughter was just as gone as the rest of Runeterra -- and he'd thought that perhaps... while Jinx might strain at the idea of having someone else around... he'd certainly hoped that she wouldn't mind Kaeya. He was useful, he understood, in a way that only the two of them had. He knew Kaeya had...wanted Silco to be more, he'd leaned on him, after the Thing had launched a spear into Silco's back, after he'd saved him.
How did he explain such a complication, without driving his daughter away from him too? ]
He's like us, Jinx. [ He said, at first. It wasn't an answer, not really, but it was a preface he could start with. ] I saw his memories, that he went through something like we did.
[ Betrayed by his Brother, just like Silco. Just like Jinx had been betrayed by her Sister. He didn't share the specifics, he thought that would be a betrayal too far -- for the both of them, really. He'd seen a little piece of that, and yes, Silco did what Silco did best. He'd tried to guide him, and had wanted to make him better, to push that little voice that Jinx had -- and even one Silco himself had -- and smother it. Wrap fingers around its neck, drown it in the water so it stifled that voice, and stopped trying to make them pretend to be anything but what they were. To stop trying to convince them that they weren't perfect, or worthy, just because there were those who were blind to how they could be more. That they were more than just dirty little things, because they had been inconvenient, or crazy, or someone from another land and different goals.
That still didn't explain what Silco thought of Kaeya as, which was somewhere nebulous, not quite the same as Sevika, and nobody, nobody could replace Jinx -- even in a world where she was gone, Silco had hoped, day after day that she'd be present in Horos, and now that they were in a new world, and she was...
It was just as chaotic and rife with danger as it had been back home. Somewhere, in the pit of Silco's black heart, he knows this is normal for Jinx, and that's better than the hyper-paranoid stalking she'd taken to since he'd woken up under the tree recently. He would rather her manic highs and expressive, angry drive, than anything else, as that's the person Silco loved -- manic, angry, driven, just the person he'd thought was perfect from the first moment he'd held her in the rain.
But...
He flicked his eyes to Kaeya, in front of him. He remembered that day, so clearly, when he'd been worried over the boy -- when he'd rescued his shard while that thing fought the rest of them. There was a...feeling, when he had his shard, and he'd been pleased, when it was his body that was recovered next, and he hadn't even been dissipated. He'd felt relief, that he was safe. Perhaps that had led Kaeya to lean on him -- and Silco had to pull away -- it had felt like he was replacing Jinx, if he'd let him stay there against his shoulder. So he'd pulled away, established that distance. Forced it, because Kaeya had looked too close, or relied on him too much -- but he had saved him. Twice.
What would happen, if they were finally even? Would Kaeya betray them too?
Paused for a second, before: ]
I saved his life, and I took him under my wing. I wanted to help guide him -- to help him be better than simply being held back by his past -- like we had to.
[ It's hard to define something so nebulous, isn't it? Especially for Someone like Silco, whose fear of betrayal adds that buffer. Just in case. ]
[ Kaeya's silence seems to speak for him. he doesn't defend himself, doesn't make excuses for himself or Silco, doesn't try to rationalize anything or make it make sense.
Jinx watches Kaeya's face as Silco speaks. she's quiet for a few heavy beats of fraught, tense silence--
before she re-holsters the pistol at her side. she doesn't ease her weight from the grate, yet, still leaning in close to Kaeya, still watching him like a hawk. ]
Did it work?
[ he hadn't answered before, but it seems important that she gets it out of him now. ]
What he drowned. Did it work?
[ is it gone? or does he find whatever it was still lives inside of him despite Silco's efforts?
it's hard. there are so many of those landmines laying scattered in every direction - and it's impossible to tell where they lay or what might trigger one. at least she seems to be easing up, at least... ]
[ Kaeya listens to every single thing that Silco has to say. He finds himself caught between wanting to laugh or wanting to be the one to pull the trigger. It's a fleeting moment that's gone as quickly as it arises, leaving him with a heavier heart and emptier smile. Even now, the man has managed to find a way to dance around the topic, and that's fine. Really, it is. He wasn't expecting anything different.
When Jinx asks him if it works, his answer is simple and plain. He shakes his head slowly, speaking with a tone that seems just as unwavering and fragile as ice. ]
No. [ He levels his gaze with Jinx. ] It didn't.
[ Perhaps he'd managed to convince himself that it worked, once upon a time, but it didn't take long for the lie to collapse in on itself. Silco wanted him to let the monster out, but what monster is there? There's no monster in Kaeya, only one that he's pretending to have. It would have been so much easier if he'd figured out how to let go of everything that held him back when the man submerged him under the frigid waters, but he's still the same.
Just as brittle, just as cold.
How easily swayed he is by the existence of the Shard belonging to the one who betrayed him is proof of that. ]
[ It's Silco's turn for Silence, as he looked between Jinx, and Kaeya, like he was trying to figure out which one to focus on. His fingers tightened in the grate, as if he could break the grate itself, and interject in some way -- when words were his realm.
So why was it, when something like this was involved, did words fail him?
What did he mean, it hadn't worked? Why was Jinx asking? Had it not worked for her either? That couldn't be, could it? It had worked for him, let him drown that weak little man who hadn't been able to seal the deal for Zaun, and when the past had died.
A small part of himself -- the one that's so angry and so scared of dying again, wonders if it really is dead? -- But Silco is quick to strangle that, in his own mind, he's quick to silence that small voice, just like he's quick to cover up the signs of his own drowning, that his scar was covered now spoke plenty to how Silco tried to move on from such things. Bury it, and let it rot underneath.
Hell of a metaphor, for a man who can't define the sorts of things he's being asked, isn't he? ]
[ she gets the answer she was looking for. whether it was the one she expected, whether it was the one she was hoping for is frustratingly hard to tell from her unreadable expression.
but she releases the grate, and her next step puts a tiny bit of distance between the two of them. it's enough that Kaeya could brush by her comfortably if he wanted to. ]
Did you want it to?
[ for someone who's being so demanding, she sure is quick to ignore what's levied her way in favor of being the one asking questions. ]
She doesn't answer his question, but maybe he has a good idea of how she would have answered it anyway. Silco's silence says a lot too. Maybe the old man is thinking along the same lines, realizing the very same thing. He rolls his shoulders in some kind of a half-shrug, wearing an equally unreadable expression on his face. ]
Who knows.
[ He'll leave it at that. If it's another landmine, well— he'll figure out a way around it. ]
What the hell is he supposed to say to the two of them? Jinx was likely mad -- furious, perhaps -- and that was enough of a landmine that Silco would be emptying his pockets for supplies for her, if just to soothe her anger, but that would come later, he suspected.
It may have been foolish, to think that there would be some sort of seamless shift, that Jinx would accept anyone Silco had met or had grown somewhat close to, even if they pose no threat to her -- as if any could -- but it didn't matter, because in the same way Jinx feared Silco abandoning her, he watched her with the same worry, wondering if she was going to vanish, or disappear on a moment's notice.
He stepped back from the grate, to let them in, a few steps back, but it's slow, watching. Evaluating. ]
It's not much further.
[ Which was a lot better than talking about things, if Silco had any input. (He did not) ]
it could be worse for sure; if it was, both Silco and Kaeya know by now she wouldn't hesitate in making that immediately and well-known. as it is, she watches Kaeya from periphery as she steps fully back and away from him. if he doesn't want to tell her? if he wants to play aloof? fine.
she very maturely makes sure to check Silco with her shoulder as she steps through the grate and carries on ahead in silence.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2022-11-26 10:52 pm (UTC)but she is again distracted by the call from Silco directing them leftward. Jinx decides to lead the pack, jogging over to the opening and peering on down the slope; she reaches up to grasp the mouth of half-broken metal hanging over the top and decides the best descent is to slide on down, so,
you know, that's what she's doing!! ]
Keep up, slowpokes - or I'm leaving you behiii~nd!
no subject
Date: 2022-11-26 11:12 pm (UTC)There is a moment where Kaeya simply watches Jinx go down the pipe as though it were a children's slide. If you think there's a spike of jealousy showing on his face, you're absolutely right because damn, why is he stuck on babysitting duty? He wants to do the same thing— ]
There won't be a prize if you win, you know?
[ Just saying!! Then again, if Jinx wanted one, surely Silco can provide something appropriate.
The slope isn't too difficult to trudge through, but he is taking his time anyway. So far no one else is coming up from behind them so it seems fine to continue talking like normal. ]
How much further are we going? At this rate, we'll end up at the Abyss if we go any lower.
[ It feels like they've been going down and down for a while, but it makes sense. Of course they'd make it difficult to reach the Below. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-27 12:50 am (UTC)[ he said, but his feet move down the pipe with less care than Kaeya shows. Sure, he has too much self-restricting dignity to slide down it, but Silco's been slipping through Sump pipes all his life, just like Jinx. His feet don't slide out of clumsiness, but he certainly let them catch and slide down a rather slick patch, before he hopped, to stop the slide, and then back down onto solid ground for the last few steps down the pipe.
He caught sight of Jinx, and pointed in their next direction, through another grate. This one popped open with a catch, which he opened with an expert hand. ]
It should be worth it, but I think it's a maze to get down here for a reason. They don't want just anyone getting down here.
[ But these three? Silco was convinced they'd fit right in. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-11-27 01:47 am (UTC)[ the call comes up from the bottom of the slope back for Kaeya - she heard that!! - but Jinx's footsteps amble away from the pipe. she doesn't wander far, just far enough to get a good view of what's to come. ]
Sooo... we're almost there?
[ her impatience is mounting alongside her curiosity as she watches Silco open the next grate; at least he seemed confident about his directions, and she already knew how familiar a Zaunite was with the underground.
it has her sliding her eyes toward Kaeya, thoughtfully. ]
How'd you and Silco get so buddy-buddy, anyway?
[ is it just striking her now she never thought to ask,
maybe, ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 02:53 am (UTC)Then again, that also means more time for questions such as the one Jinx threw his way. He'd been wondering when it would come up, but it's not like they haven't been busy with Other Things. ]
Hm? He drowned me.
[ It's not quite a lie when there is some truth to it, even if it isn't the complete picture, but the way he says it may come across as such. It feels like forever ago when he found himself asking Silco how he can avoid being cast aside, the icy waters remoulding him into something he doesn't know if he wants to be.
With the grate open, he approaches it from the side and places a hand against it — to keep it open. He gestures with a graceful sweep of his hand for both Jinx and Silco to go through first. ]
After you.
[ If Jinx wants to know more, she's going to have to hassle him, it seems. ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 03:20 am (UTC)Silco, of course, was going to be silent during this part of the conversation. It's difficult to describe, the moment that he and Kaeya had found something in common, and it certainly wasn't the sort of thing that he could say. It was Kaeya's secret to share, that he'd been betrayed. The drowning, though, well -- he hoped Jinx would not take it personally.
He went first this time, through the grate, taking the lead, although he didn't move ahead like Jinx had, taking his time through a smaller tunnel -- one where he had to duck his head slightly every now and then, although it wasn't too tight. Not like the kinds of pipes that they used to crawl through to move around the fissures.
He wondered if Kaeya would share, the thing that tied all three of them together. The ever-present reminder that for each of them -- they had been cast away, for who they were. For being Too Driven, or Too Willing to Help, or for being honest with a goal. Silco might be the only one who can see the connection, that bound all three of them together, but he did see it. That each of them had been betrayed by someone important to them, and it's what had brought he and Jinx together, and then he and Kaeya.
He did not, however, say anything, and continued on. Willing to wait to see how Jinx felt about that first. ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 03:28 am (UTC)[ she trails off as whatever thought she was having is interrupted by another, and then another, and then a whisper at her right she physically waves off. she is rather pointedly staring at Kaeya, now. ]
How about you go ahead and elaborate on that one, Ice Boy? [ does that sound... bitter? definitely. there's an edge in her voice that hadn't been there a moment ago, and Jinx is rather purposefully nudging him out of the way of the grate--
so she can slam it shut, trapping Silco on the other side and Kaeya here with her. ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 03:58 am (UTC)Kaeya thinks he's beginning to understand what it is that makes him step on them all the time, but it doesn't help that he's also the type to incite this kind of reaction. He doesn't flinch when Jinx traps him on the other side of the grate with her.
If anything, he meets her pointed gaze with one of his own. It's no wonder Silco would look at him sometimes and wish he was someone else. This is a lot like staring into a mirror. ]
There was an affliction that caught me off-guard in one of the cities at Horos. Silco found me when I was already lost in my own mind, reliving a particularly stormy night. [ A beat passes, and then it's hard to tell what emotion filters through his voice. It tastes like something bitter. Melancholic. ] I almost died back then, because I told someone the truth.
[ He leaves it at that, regardless of whether or not it'll be enough. That's the most he's told someone else about this story. Maybe it's because he has a feeling Jinx can fill in the blanks herself. ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 04:08 am (UTC)She had just arrived, hadn't she? Silco had now almost eight months of distance from what happened on Runeterra, but for her, hadn't he promised her that she could move on from those doubtful thoughts just recently? He'd dipped her under the water just like he'd been -- because it was the only way they could move on.
He touched a finger to the grate, to try to push it back open, but his fingers just rested there, waiting. He could excuse it, that they'd had to hurt each other to get free, and Silco was so good at hurting others, wasn't he? It also wouldn't matter, even in his head, it sounded like an excuse. ]
Jinx -- [ It's a little soft, as if he's trying to impart something unspoken to her, without delving too much. ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 04:31 am (UTC)she feels like a fool. she feels stupid, suddenly, for having cared so much that Silco had died and for trusting Kaeya to help her (even though he had helped her, and even though she couldn't have stopped herself from caring about Silco if she tried). rationality was never her strong suit. she was always prone to impulsive decisions and even more impulsive whims of a sick mind that twisted in on itself on the regular.
and it's telling her now that she's been caught like an animal with its belly exposed. that they're laughing at her inside. that she had thought it meant something when he--
and Kaeya, had been--
Jinx unholsters the pistol at her side, though all she does is spin it 'round her index finger by the trigger guard, eying Kaeya in the face at an uncomfortable proximity. then her eyes slide past him, pointedly fixing on Silco. ]
I bet it's a funny story. Real barrel of laughs, right? You know what they say - if you can't join 'em, drown 'em!
[ no one actually says that?? anyway,
her eyes flick sharply back to Kaeya's, an unsteady gleam in her gaze. ]
What else did he do? Tell you about a certain someone, maybe? About someone who betrayed him? Hm?
[ the pistol stops spinning, and she slowly clicks the safety off. ]
Seems to be going around lately. You notice that, Ice Boy?
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Date: 2022-11-27 04:48 am (UTC)This is how it always ends, whenever he tries to tell the truth, but it's fine. He's learning many valuable lessons today. ]
Of course not. He didn't tell me anything. Why would he? Back then, at the Tree, that was the first I've ever heard it was Vander who betrayed him.
[ Kaeya could only make assumptions, after all, because he didn't know the full story. All he knew was that betrayal had to be involved somehow, or else Silco probably wouldn't have even looked his way. ]
Is that what he told you?
[ He doesn't feel like fighting whatever comes next, and yet— ]
When he drowned you too?
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Date: 2022-11-27 05:05 am (UTC)And yet now...
There were some things Silco was particularly predictable about. When it came to Jinx, no matter the subject, no matter who or what it was, Silco would always, always choose Jinx. Even in this moment, with his fingers against the grate, he wanted nothing more than to soothe that errant buzz he could see drag across his daughter's face, and placate that violent burst of anger that meant that she was afraid she had been replaced.
He'd wondered, if it would help for her to know that Kaeya had been through the same thing, but as he'd considered uttering the word --
His head whipped to Kaeya, who had put this together quicker than he'd expected, and then back to Jinx. His eyes then danced to the grate, to look for the catch, to see if he could open it up -- he just had to get to his daughter, right? That would solve this? His fingers inched toward the grate, but he looked at her again, while his fingers moved. He wanted to protest, or explain, but with Kaeya here...
Silco is fooling himself, if he thinks that Kaeya has not put together the fact that he's Jinx's father, but even still, he holds onto the shred of secrecy. ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 05:23 am (UTC)there is the most meager flinch when he says those words so casually - 'when he drowned you too?' and for a brief moment, her anger
fearspikes. drowned... too. he really went and repeated that whole performance, did he? but he hadn't followed through. no meaningful story, no waxing poetic about the pain of betrayal and all that? why? why not? wasn't that part of the point?Jinx's eyes suddenly jerk to her right shoulder as if listening to something unheard. it doesn't last long, though, and she's quick to resume her attentions on Kaeya. those eyes are more alive with an unhealthy energy that is feeding her
fearrageand paranoia. ]So, what. Is that what you are? To him?
[ she wants to sound viscerally angry, accusatory. her grip on the trigger tightens subconsciously.
instead, she just sounds unhinged, and half-way a girl lost and alone whose footing has been yanked out from under her, and halfway a young woman desperate to maintain face in front of someone she feels sees her as weak, vulnerable. ]
What did he have you leave behind in the water? I'm feeling like [ she leans her right hand against the grate, pinning Kaeya between it and her, gun still trained on her father ] you and I have a lot we really oughta get out in the open, Ice Guy. Do you know what I mean?
[ why?
why. why, why, why, why. ]
is it fine...
Date: 2022-11-27 05:53 am (UTC)[ He isn't trying to be difficult, really, but it's hard to see what it is they're supposed to 'get out in the open,' as it were. To Kaeya, it's as clear as day what's going on here: the line has already been drawn in the sand, and now Jinx is lining it up with gasoline and an open flame. This is how it was with the Ragnvindrs, whenever he looked and saw both Diluc and his father—
(In the end, he has really no one, doesn't he?)
This is all the same. They're all the same. He's still that young boy who was left behind by his father to serve a purpose. That's all he ever will be, and nothing more.
He gets it. ]
I don't think I'm anything to him, really. Perhaps a glorified version of a hired muscle. [ Hah. ] Nothing more than that.
[ As for what he left behind in the water... ]
Betrayal is a funny thing, isn't it? Even when you try to move past it, it'll always find its way back to you.
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Date: 2022-11-27 06:13 am (UTC)There's a small part of Silco that protests, that it's a lie. Not that he knew what Kaeya was. Not like Jinx, but there was nobody like Jinx -- and having a picture into the odd relationship between the two of them was a pretty clear sign that Kaeya might want to get out of that -- but even still. Hired muscle didn't quite track.
Kaeya, after all, was just like them, if only she'd see it.
No matter, right? If that's what Kaeya thought, he wouldn't protest. His lips twitched, and he didn't even flinch away from Jinx's gun. It's not like he has any reason to be afraid of that right now, right? Haha, anyway. He ignored the gun, and pressed a hand against the grate, against Jinx's hand. ]
You know I'd never betray you, Jinx, nobody could ever be more important to me than you are. You know that.
[ Silco, of course, would say anything to bring Jinx back down. It's probably why she got away with everything, and why everyone who was associated with Silco had such strong...opinions about her. ]
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Date: 2022-11-27 06:32 am (UTC)anyone with half a wit would see that was doomed from the get-go. it isn't like she doesn't get it. she gets it. but denial is one hell of a drug, isn't it?
that little, frustratingly persistent voice is what's telling her to see what's in Kaeya's eye right here and now. it's enough that she doesn't realize she's loosened her hold on the pistol, momentarily distracted as Silco's words are absorbed - and yet... they're fading into the background. he'd never betray her; no one could ever be more important. he says it out loud right to Kaeya's face, and surely she should feel vindictively gladdened by that.
but she doesn't.
Kaeya gets something most people don't when it comes to Jinx. it's typically all or nothing. there is no halfway, no half-starts, no half-done. that whole 'benefit of the doubt' thing isn't her normal style.
but she doesn't think he can have faked what he felt that day - what she felt from him - when she'd reached out to him in a chaotic and desperate bid for Communion. and even if he could - he stayed the full five days... he didn't leave her or Silco. it isn't easy to dismiss that, even if there will always be that sliver of her brain working up all the convenient reasons to justify it away and fuel her fear.
...she grips the grate more tightly. ]
Let's find out.
[ the words are already bereft the vitriol. a bit softer.
Jinx lets the pistol fall to her side, but it is replaced by a greater threat - the look in her eyes as she gazes beyond Kaeya's shoulder, staring Silco in the face. ]
What is he to you? Really.
[ ...it's incredibly hard to tell where the next landmine lies.
will she be angry if Silco defends his relationship with Kaeya? or is she expecting some confession that this one is more than just a hired hand, that he matters in some way?
guess there's one way to find out. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 12:00 am (UTC)Growing up in a foreign nation where no one knew who he was or where he came from has taught him that there are boundaries he can't cross. He hasn't felt like he belonged in Mondstadt even though he's spent most of his life trying to protect it. They took him in and welcomed him with open arms, so of course, he would choose them over Khaenri'ah in the end, but—
There wasn't a day that went by when he didn't feel like an outsider. It's the same here with Silco and Jinx. Silco even cements the fact by saying that Jinx would always come first, no matter what, so he doesn't see much of a point in asking him.
But he has a feeling Jinx is going to do whatever she wants so he lets her. All that's going to happen is Silco reiterating what he said. Silco wanted to create a monster, to aid him in his own agenda against everyone else at Horos. That dynamic is what carried over here, and it's even proven when Silco wouldn't even give Kaeya the chance to make a choice for himself earlier on.
At this point, however, this is nothing new. If his own father can reduce him to nothing more than a pawn, then why won't someone else do the same?
So he says nothing. Someone like him doesn't get a say in the matter. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 12:27 am (UTC)He'd always promised Jinx that he wouldn't lie -- not about Vander, not about who they were, or that he thought she was perfect -- he'd told her these things over and over. It's repeated enough that it's a refrain, from when she'd been younger, up until she'd been older. He promised her this, because just like Jinx has her own...issues, Silco has his. The one they have in common, of course, is the one that kept them together, that tie that bound them, what had led a crime lord fresh from the high of a revenge complete, to hugging a little girl in the rain, and telling her it would be all right. That neither of them wanted to be left, or abandoned. Silco had always been afraid of his daughter leaving -- just like Vander had -- tossed away like a dirty little thing, when there had been something new to look toward. Jinx thought the same of him, he knew, even though Silco could never abandon her. Would never -- and to the extent...
Well. Neither of them knew that yet.
His fingers at the grate, he looked at Jinx through it, but then to Kaeya. He'd been so careful with his words, to the both of them. He'd not spoken of Jinx to Kaeya -- Couldn't in a world where he'd thought his daughter was just as gone as the rest of Runeterra -- and he'd thought that perhaps... while Jinx might strain at the idea of having someone else around... he'd certainly hoped that she wouldn't mind Kaeya. He was useful, he understood, in a way that only the two of them had. He knew Kaeya had...wanted Silco to be more, he'd leaned on him, after the Thing had launched a spear into Silco's back, after he'd saved him.
How did he explain such a complication, without driving his daughter away from him too? ]
He's like us, Jinx. [ He said, at first. It wasn't an answer, not really, but it was a preface he could start with. ] I saw his memories, that he went through something like we did.
[ Betrayed by his Brother, just like Silco. Just like Jinx had been betrayed by her Sister. He didn't share the specifics, he thought that would be a betrayal too far -- for the both of them, really. He'd seen a little piece of that, and yes, Silco did what Silco did best. He'd tried to guide him, and had wanted to make him better, to push that little voice that Jinx had -- and even one Silco himself had -- and smother it. Wrap fingers around its neck, drown it in the water so it stifled that voice, and stopped trying to make them pretend to be anything but what they were. To stop trying to convince them that they weren't perfect, or worthy, just because there were those who were blind to how they could be more. That they were more than just dirty little things, because they had been inconvenient, or crazy, or someone from another land and different goals.
That still didn't explain what Silco thought of Kaeya as, which was somewhere nebulous, not quite the same as Sevika, and nobody, nobody could replace Jinx -- even in a world where she was gone, Silco had hoped, day after day that she'd be present in Horos, and now that they were in a new world, and she was...
It was just as chaotic and rife with danger as it had been back home. Somewhere, in the pit of Silco's black heart, he knows this is normal for Jinx, and that's better than the hyper-paranoid stalking she'd taken to since he'd woken up under the tree recently. He would rather her manic highs and expressive, angry drive, than anything else, as that's the person Silco loved -- manic, angry, driven, just the person he'd thought was perfect from the first moment he'd held her in the rain.
But...
He flicked his eyes to Kaeya, in front of him. He remembered that day, so clearly, when he'd been worried over the boy -- when he'd rescued his shard while that thing fought the rest of them. There was a...feeling, when he had his shard, and he'd been pleased, when it was his body that was recovered next, and he hadn't even been dissipated. He'd felt relief, that he was safe. Perhaps that had led Kaeya to lean on him -- and Silco had to pull away -- it had felt like he was replacing Jinx, if he'd let him stay there against his shoulder. So he'd pulled away, established that distance. Forced it, because Kaeya had looked too close, or relied on him too much -- but he had saved him. Twice.
What would happen, if they were finally even? Would Kaeya betray them too?
Paused for a second, before: ]
I saved his life, and I took him under my wing. I wanted to help guide him -- to help him be better than simply being held back by his past -- like we had to.
[ It's hard to define something so nebulous, isn't it? Especially for Someone like Silco, whose fear of betrayal adds that buffer. Just in case. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 12:41 am (UTC)Jinx watches Kaeya's face as Silco speaks. she's quiet for a few heavy beats of fraught, tense silence--
before she re-holsters the pistol at her side. she doesn't ease her weight from the grate, yet, still leaning in close to Kaeya, still watching him like a hawk. ]
Did it work?
[ he hadn't answered before, but it seems important that she gets it out of him now. ]
What he drowned. Did it work?
[ is it gone? or does he find whatever it was still lives inside of him despite Silco's efforts?
it's hard. there are so many of those landmines laying scattered in every direction - and it's impossible to tell where they lay or what might trigger one. at least she seems to be easing up, at least... ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 01:19 am (UTC)When Jinx asks him if it works, his answer is simple and plain. He shakes his head slowly, speaking with a tone that seems just as unwavering and fragile as ice. ]
No. [ He levels his gaze with Jinx. ] It didn't.
[ Perhaps he'd managed to convince himself that it worked, once upon a time, but it didn't take long for the lie to collapse in on itself. Silco wanted him to let the monster out, but what monster is there? There's no monster in Kaeya, only one that he's pretending to have. It would have been so much easier if he'd figured out how to let go of everything that held him back when the man submerged him under the frigid waters, but he's still the same.
Just as brittle, just as cold.
How easily swayed he is by the existence of the Shard belonging to the one who betrayed him is proof of that. ]
Did it work for you?
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Date: 2022-11-28 01:41 am (UTC)So why was it, when something like this was involved, did words fail him?
What did he mean, it hadn't worked? Why was Jinx asking? Had it not worked for her either? That couldn't be, could it? It had worked for him, let him drown that weak little man who hadn't been able to seal the deal for Zaun, and when the past had died.
A small part of himself -- the one that's so angry and so scared of dying again, wonders if it really is dead? -- But Silco is quick to strangle that, in his own mind, he's quick to silence that small voice, just like he's quick to cover up the signs of his own drowning, that his scar was covered now spoke plenty to how Silco tried to move on from such things. Bury it, and let it rot underneath.
Hell of a metaphor, for a man who can't define the sorts of things he's being asked, isn't he? ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 02:49 am (UTC)but she releases the grate, and her next step puts a tiny bit of distance between the two of them. it's enough that Kaeya could brush by her comfortably if he wanted to. ]
Did you want it to?
[ for someone who's being so demanding, she sure is quick to ignore what's levied her way in favor of being the one asking questions. ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 03:05 am (UTC)She doesn't answer his question, but maybe he has a good idea of how she would have answered it anyway. Silco's silence says a lot too. Maybe the old man is thinking along the same lines, realizing the very same thing. He rolls his shoulders in some kind of a half-shrug, wearing an equally unreadable expression on his face. ]
Who knows.
[ He'll leave it at that. If it's another landmine, well— he'll figure out a way around it. ]
Shall we keep going?
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Date: 2022-11-28 04:46 am (UTC)What the hell is he supposed to say to the two of them? Jinx was likely mad -- furious, perhaps -- and that was enough of a landmine that Silco would be emptying his pockets for supplies for her, if just to soothe her anger, but that would come later, he suspected.
It may have been foolish, to think that there would be some sort of seamless shift, that Jinx would accept anyone Silco had met or had grown somewhat close to, even if they pose no threat to her -- as if any could -- but it didn't matter, because in the same way Jinx feared Silco abandoning her, he watched her with the same worry, wondering if she was going to vanish, or disappear on a moment's notice.
He stepped back from the grate, to let them in, a few steps back, but it's slow, watching. Evaluating. ]
It's not much further.
[ Which was a lot better than talking about things, if Silco had any input. (He did not) ]
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Date: 2022-11-28 05:18 am (UTC)it could be worse for sure; if it was, both Silco and Kaeya know by now she wouldn't hesitate in making that immediately and well-known. as it is, she watches Kaeya from periphery as she steps fully back and away from him. if he doesn't want to tell her? if he wants to play aloof? fine.
she very maturely makes sure to check Silco with her shoulder as she steps through the grate and carries on ahead in silence.
wow, talk about a mood killer........ ☹ ]
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